Well things have been okay for the last couple weeks. My Brother hasn’t had any major temper tantrums but I’m still always on edge. I started having heart palpitations again. I haven’t had them since my son was born. In fact heart palpitations are the reason I got started on the whole medication roller coaster. The doctor diagnosed me with postpartum depression and anxiety and then prescribed me Xanax…. and that’s where it started and how everything went to shit. One bottle of Xanax to 16 medications and shock treatments to my brain.
I think the heart palpitations may be caused from sleep deprivation and stress. It makes sense because when I was a new mother, I wasn’t getting much sleep. Now I just have a needy elderly cat that doesn’t let me sleep much and an angry Brother that always keeps me on edge.
I’m hoping the heart palpitations go away, I refuse to go on medication.
I’ve been feeling really lonely again. I miss going and having coffee with someone and having a good conversation. I got invited to my work Christmas party but I have no one to go with and I still don’t feel close enough to my co workers to go alone, so I’m not going.
I miss having friends
I think I also feel down that I wont be with my son for Christmas. This will be my first Christmas without him and I feel really guilty about it but I can’t miss work yet. I just haven’t been there long enough.