So I had a not so good day today. I have been stressing a lot about trying to get my son up here to visit on his spring break and trying to figure out daycare so I can still go to work and he can be here for at least a week. Plus its his birthday this week and it will be the first Birthday I’m not there. Its very hard. He’s not doing well in school, he even got suspended for threatening to bring a gun school. The school and the police are doing an investigation. He’s 8 years old, I don’t think he meant it. I can’t help but feel responsible though because I’m not there.
Well I came home from work today 20 min before my Brother. I usually get home 2 hours later. Any ways he got mad that I hadn’t started on dinner. I did the dishes and took the recycling out but because I was sitting on the phone talking to my sister when he walked in, he got mad. So I panicked and tried to find anything else he might get upset about and take care of it but I couldn’t find anything because I cleaned the whole house yesterday. So I went to my room and cried for a little bit. Pulled my self together and washed my face but he could tell that I was crying and then he got mad at me for crying and told me I’m too sensitive and to get over it.
So I apologized again and I figure I just can’t win. I’ll make sure to have dinner waiting though if I get home from work before him.
On a different note, in my last blog I was talking about my dream about my ex in-laws. Well oddly enough I got a text from my ex mother in law tonight inviting me to video chat with her but I don’t know if she meant to send it or if it was an accident. I’m scared. I love her very much, she’s like a second Mother to me but I just feel so ashamed to talk to her. I really fucked up my life and let them down. So I just don’t know.
So I’m going to try and sleep and hopefully tomorrow will be better.