Well it’s been a while since I last blogged. Things have been good and bad. I went out and had fun for the first time in almost a year. I actually went to a bar and played pool with some of my co’workers. It was nice and overwhelming all at the same time. I hope maybe my co workers will accept me more. I just need to remember not to be open about my past, as much as I yearn to tell my story to someone but most people would just look at me as a crazy freak. I also went to the book store on my own, it was nice, something I enjoy that I miss doing.
Its been hard as usual living with my Brother. I swear he has an outburst at least 2 to 3 times a week. I keep trying to tell myself that its just the way he is and that he’s not abusive and that I’m just too sensitive. Then I was thinking about all the things that go through my head whenever I’m home and realized that its no wonder I’m a nervous wreck. For example, these are all the things I think about and do to try and not make my Brother angry:
Make sure to do the dishes even if his daughter doesn’t do them
Make sure dishes are put in dish rack properly before drying and putting away.
Make sure to leave the dish wash cloth neatly on the dish rack when done
Always make sure recycling is taken out every day
Pick up any trash that his daughter leaves on the floor
Do not go in the kitchen while Brother is in there
Always take shoes off in my room
Always make sure the shower curtain is straight
Always make sure blanket is folded on chair
Don’t ever get up in the middle of the night to go to the bathroom
Always make sure the cat stays quiet at night
Don’t throw away sanitary napkins in the bathroom trash, put them in the outside trash
Don’t ever park my car forward in the parking spot, make sure you back up into the parking spot
Don’t use paper towels to prepare food on
Don’t get up for work until he has left for work
Always make sure phone ringer is put on low
Don’t chew on anything crunchy, like chips next to my Brother while watching TV
Always make sure the cat litter is scooped at least once a day and disposed of out side
Always make sure the door is unlocked before Brother gets home from any where
Don’t fold my brothers laundry because I don’t do it correctly
I know there is more but, its just too overwhelming to write it all down.
I really need to get my own place, I don’t know how much longer my brain can handle this….