The Good and The Bad

Well it’s been a while since I last blogged. Things have been good and bad.  I went out and had fun for the first time in almost a year.  I actually went to a bar and played pool with some of my co’workers.  It was nice and overwhelming all at the same time.  I hope maybe my co workers will accept me more.  I just need to remember not to be open about my past, as much as I yearn to tell my story to someone but most people would just look at me as a crazy freak.  I also went to the book store on my own, it was nice, something I enjoy that I miss doing.

Its been hard as usual living with my Brother.  I swear he has an outburst at least 2 to 3 times a week.  I keep trying to tell myself that its just the way he is and that he’s not abusive and that I’m just too sensitive.  Then I was thinking about all the things that go through my head whenever I’m home and realized that its no wonder I’m a nervous wreck.  For example, these are all the things I think about and do to try and not make my Brother angry:

Make sure to do the dishes even if his daughter doesn’t do them

Make sure dishes are put in dish rack properly before drying and putting away.

Make sure to leave the dish wash cloth neatly on the dish rack when done

Always make sure recycling is taken out every day

Pick up any trash that his daughter leaves on the floor

Do not go in the kitchen while Brother is in there

Always take shoes off in my room

Always make sure the shower curtain is straight

Always make sure blanket is folded on chair

Don’t ever get up in the middle of the night to go to the bathroom

Always make sure the cat stays quiet at night

Don’t throw away sanitary napkins in the bathroom trash, put them in the outside trash

Don’t ever park my car forward in the parking spot, make sure you back up into the parking spot

Don’t use paper towels to prepare food on

Don’t get up for work until he has left for work

Always make sure phone ringer is put on low

Don’t chew on anything crunchy, like chips next to my Brother while watching TV

Always make sure the cat litter is scooped at least once a day and disposed of out side

Always make sure the door is unlocked before Brother gets home from any where

Don’t fold my brothers laundry because I don’t do it correctly


I know there is more but, its just too overwhelming to write it all down.

I really need to get my own place, I don’t know how much longer my brain can handle this….


Having an Elderly Cat

I have had my cat Wednesday for 16 years.  I have to say having an old cat confined to your bed room is nasty business.  I always had her in my own house or apartment.  Now because of my unfortunate circumstances she is 80 to 90% confined to my bedroom in my Brother’s house.  First off having a litter box in your room is disgusting. Even though I scoop it every day, it smells.  The other thing that smells is her food, dry and wet.  The other aspect that is gross is that she throws up all the time, so I am constantly cleaning up vomit.

She also likes to sometimes shit 2 to 3 inches away from the litter box.  I can’t figure out her reasoning because her litter box is always scooped, so I am picking up her shit a lot and usually at night when I am sleeping because it smells so bad.  The other issue is that she came here from staying at my Moms temporarily and ended up getting fleas there.  In all the years I had her, she never had fleas.  So I started giving her flea treatment and I thought that they would all die because I live in a cold climate now……..No.    So I am constantly dealing with flea dirt on my bed and fleas in my bed.  Luckily they don’t bite me but I can feel them on me.

What also makes it stressful is that she meows a lot.  Even though I feed her two whole cans of wet food through out the night to keep her quiet so she doesn’t wake up my Brother, she still meows for me to get up and even though I feel horrible doing it, I have to squirt her with a squirt bottle to get her to shut up because I don’t want her waking up my Brother, or else all hell breaks lose.  What’s sad is that I maybe only get 4 to 5 hours of sleep because of the cat.  My Brother freaks out if he loses 2 minutes of sleep due to the cat.

It was so much easier not having her confined to one room but I’m afraid to let her wonder the house in fear she might throw up some where or jump on top of something or basically do anything to piss my Brother off.

So I have decided I am done with pets after she passes away.  I hope to get my own apartment in 3 months, so hopefully it will get easier.