So I drew a tattoo in my art style for a friend of mine’s roommate. My hand is still giving me issues because three of my fingers have been numb for almost two months but I tried.
Here I am in this new place, scared and full of hope that my life will change for the better. I have stopped most of my medications and now I’m down to 4. To think I was on 14 medications at age 34 is scary to think about. I thought all these doctors were helping me and now I think it was all about money. I am feeling better with some withdrawal symptoms. I drew my first picture yesterday in almost a year. To think before I got so wrapped up in the medical system, I was drawing once a day. I was afraid my artistic talent would be gone from all the shock treatments in the last year. So much of my memory is gone and a blur.
I have been talking to my son every day on the phone. It’s hard being so far away from him. I feel like a horrible mother for leaving but I didn’t have a choice. I wasn’t being a good mother when I was there. How do you explain depression to a child? I was at a point that I couldn’t hide it anymore and I lost everything on top of it all. He’s going to spend the summer with me and I look forward to that.
I finished my resume and I have been looking for jobs. I’m well qualified, it’s just depended on my mental illness. Will I be able to handle working again? but if I’m going survive and change my life for the better, I don’t have a choice.