Ramblings of a Mental Patient

Whispers of the past still linger

Echos of pain and regret

Loneliness is all that remains

A tainted mind that never stops

Days go by with uncertainty

Nightmares have taken over my only solitude

The loss of all that was haunts my every breath

The anticipation of hope of a new life is still beneath the surface

So I just wait

For a glimpse of stability in this tragic existence

 

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Drown

Your words disguise what you’re feeling now
But I’ve seen that look in your eyes before
Though you don’t want to admit it to me
I feel the disappointment I have caused you

If I drown
Please know it’s not your fault
There was no way you could save me from myself
If I drown
Please know it wasn’t you
I was the one who walked away from your help

I know it’s been years of empty promises
I wanted to follow through I wanted to be more
Though you don’t want to admit it to me
You can’t look at me in the same light anymore

 

By: Imperative Reaction

Read more: Imperative Reaction – Drown Lyrics | MetroLyrics 

It’s Been a While

Well its been a while since I have written anything.  Its been 2 months since I have been off all my medications.  I feel better in some aspects but my depression is still there.  I try not to think about everything I’ve lost but it always comes back.  I really fucked myself but I know the main reason is because of my mental illness.  I miss my son more than anything and it’s hard to talk to him on the phone.  I feel so guilty for having to leave.  I am going to see him soon and he’s coming back with me to Washington for a little bit before he starts school.

I know I need to talk to someone but it’s so expensive.  I’m overwhelmed and fearful.  I owe so many people money and I can’t pay anyone back till I get a job.  I’ll be applying for jobs at the end of the month.  I hope I can mentally handle a job again, but really I don’t have a choice.

My memories are coming back.  I think the shock treatments didn’t do as much damage as I thought.  I keep getting head aches though.  Its hard to believe that I went from being in a mental hospital almost every day for 8 months and being on so many medications to no treatment at all.  It’s crazy to think that I had to give up my career of 14 years due to this illness.