Me now. I have aged a lot.
Here I am in this new place, scared and full of hope that my life will change for the better. I have stopped most of my medications and now I’m down to 4. To think I was on 14 medications at age 34 is scary to think about. I thought all these doctors were helping me and now I think it was all about money. I am feeling better with some withdrawal symptoms. I drew my first picture yesterday in almost a year. To think before I got so wrapped up in the medical system, I was drawing once a day. I was afraid my artistic talent would be gone from all the shock treatments in the last year. So much of my memory is gone and a blur.
I have been talking to my son every day on the phone. It’s hard being so far away from him. I feel like a horrible mother for leaving but I didn’t have a choice. I wasn’t being a good mother when I was there. How do you explain depression to a child? I was at a point that I couldn’t hide it anymore and I lost everything on top of it all. He’s going to spend the summer with me and I look forward to that.
I finished my resume and I have been looking for jobs. I’m well qualified, it’s just depended on my mental illness. Will I be able to handle working again? but if I’m going survive and change my life for the better, I don’t have a choice.
Well I certainly have a story to tell. I had a career, an apartment, a nice car…and now its all gone. All due to depression. I have had my brain electrocuted about 70 times. I have tried almost every medication. Here I am homeless with my beloved cat.
So it will be a new chapter in my life soon. I’m moving to Washington in a couple days. Mainly because I have no where I can go. I don’t want to leave my son but what good am I if I’m homeless.
So here is to starting a new life.
It’s interesting how losing everything, you come to realize who really cares about you and what really matters.
Well I made it out of my apartment. I’m at my Moms now. It was a disaster getting out of there but I did the best I could. I cleaned and tried to make the place look okay. Turned out my friend had more stuff than me. It was very hard to get her to do anything till the bitter end. She still has my car. I don’t know if she will give it back. I may have to call the police. I need to turn that car into my law firm asap but she said she wont give it back till Monday. I just don’t know what to do. I’m so tired of all this.