Sometimes I Hate My Life

Well I have never cried so much as I have in the last few weeks in my life.  I made a poor decision letting my friend I grew up with live with me with her 4 year old son. They had been living in her car and were Homeless.  I knew she was a stripper and I tried not to judge.  She also had a history with drug abuse. I just couldn’t say no, when she asked me and she seemed sober.  

I basically let chaos into my home and I was sick and getting electro shock therapy treatments once a week. WHAT THE FUCK WAS I THINKING! 

This girl or should I say bitch comes into my home. Brings her cat but fails to tell me she has 3 dogs too. They were just staying some where else. The dogs piss and shit all over my carpet due to her not taking them out to go potty. On top of it I have 2 cats. So 3 dogs, 3 cats and a hamster all in an apartment. The apartment stinks to Holy hell. 

So she promises me she will pay my rent. Yeah….that was a joke. But now that we have to move out she goes out all night and meets “clients”  while I watch her son. She drives my car without a licence. I tell her no and she always manipulates me or guilt Trips me in to getting her way. 

I know I put my self in this situation. I know I’m at fault. I love her and her son. Now it’s crunch time because we have 2 days to be out of this apartment. She thinks my car is hers. I planned on turning it in with my bankruptcy but she says a client will take over the loan and give the car to her.  I’m seriously afraid I’m going to have to report that car stolen because she won’t give back to me cuz she has no where to go.

I’m so overwhelmed, I can’t see straight. The fact that I’m going to Washington for 6 months away from my son is stressful and emotionally straining as it is. 

I just want to scream


Starting Over

Well a lot has happened since my last blog.  I don’t even know where to start.  I’m single now, which is interesting.  I guess its for the best though, that’s all I got to say about that.  I stopped doing ECT treatments because I almost died from choking on my vomit while I was under anesthesia.  I started doing TMS treatments and it’s surprisingly helping my depression a little.  I have decided to go to Washington for 6 months to get off all my medications and stop my treatments.  Being on all these meds and having my brain shocked over 70 times has ruined my life.  I need to start over.  I’m on 12 medications for my depression….they don’t do crap.  I’m done.