I’m scared

Well I have pretty much hit rock bottom.  I went to my electro shock treatment yesterday and almost died.  I’ve decided I’m not doing anymore treatments. I’ve done close to 60 treatments and this last one scared the crap out of me.  When they put me under with the anesthesia, I ended up vomiting and almost choking to death and I inhaled it into my lungs. I couldn’t breath, I was put on oxygen, it was terrible.  When I got home all I wanted to do was sleep and I had a high fever. Now I’m really sore from the whole thing. I can’t take a deep breath without my lungs hurting.   My throat is sore too because they shoved a tube down it or something when I was choking.

So I’m at staying at my parents tonight to get a break from the stress at home.  I need to recover so I can deal with my life falling apart.  I still need to come up with the rest of rent.  My car is getting taken away.  I need to sell the rest of my stuff.  I’m losing everything.  I don’t know what to do.  I’m scared.