Well I am doing a little better. I decided that I need to go back to work. I am tired of waiting for disability and I dont want to be homeless. I am still going to go to treatments. I am still doing ECT but I will be stopping and doing TMS instead. I know I hate my job but I want my life back. I want to have my son 50% of the time , like how its supposed to be. I want to keep my cats and I want a roof over my head. I’m depressed and my memory is messed up now but disability never came through for me, so fuck social security. Im getting my brain electrocuted , Im not trying to cheat the system. Now I have to try and work in order to survive and fight through this disease. I was going to go the lawyer route with an appeal but that takes another 6 months. All I got say is fuck disability
Well a lot has happened recently. My friend and her son are staying with me temporarily. We are going to help each other out and try not to be homeless. She has made me realize how much I have forgotten. There are so many memories I have lost from ECT. It makes me not want to do it anymore. I’ve done over 40 treatments. It’s like I’m losing the foundation of what makes me who I am. So many people want me to stop. I used think they were worrying too much but now I look at all these pictures and have no recollection of all these past events, its really sad.
So Im going to make an appointment with my primary doctor about my memory loss from the ECT and see what he says about it. Ive been doing it this long because I have wanted to forget. I have done over 40 treatments in 4 months. So I wonder what he will say.